Do any of these statements sound familiar?
“Don’t cry. Don’t be mad. Don’t feel that way.”
“You need to pull yourself together.”
“Don’t be scared. Don’t worry.”
“You need to put that feeling to the side and forget about it.” “You're so dramatic. Don't be so emotional.”
"Don't get your hopes up."
"Don't let them know you're hurt."
"Stop it. You'll be fine!"
Maybe someone said these things to you. Or, maybe you said them to someone! Either way, many of us have been conditioned to ignore or hide our feelings.
We’ve also learned to judge our feelings. There are good feelings (happy, excited, joyful, interested, inspired etc.), and there are bad feelings (annoyed, sad, depressed, angry, resentful, jealous, etc). But aren’t feelings, all feelings, messages that give us information?
Feelings give us clues about ourselves. For example, they help us to know what is important, what we value, what inspires us, what we want to protect, and what we want to change.
Emotional intelligence is defined as “integrating thoughts and feelings to make optimal decisions.”It’s about integrating your head (thoughts), your heart (feelings) and your hands (behaviors). When we consider our emotions as data points...a piece of information...we can make a decision or behave in a way that is mindful of both the facts and the feelings to create the ultimate change in behavior.
So what are you feeling right now??