The Things You Do to Feel Better That Might Actually Be Making Anxiety Worse

Hot take: Sometimes the problem isn't your anxiety. Sometimes it's all the things you're doing to try to make it go away.

Stay with me.

You notice a strange symptom and immediately Google it. You ask your spouse if they think it's serious. You scroll through Reddit looking for someone with a similar experience. Eventually, you convince yourself everything is probably okay and feel a wave of relief.

Until an hour later when the doubt creeps back in.

Or maybe it's not health anxiety. Maybe you replay conversations in your head long after they've ended, wondering if you said the wrong thing. Maybe you rehearse what you're going to say before making a phone call, sit near the exit in crowded places, or always have a backup plan for every possible scenario. Maybe you avoid certain situations altogether because it just feels easier than dealing with the anxiety.

Most people assume anxiety is caused by anxious thoughts. The "what ifs." The worries. The worst-case scenarios.

But what if the thing keeping anxiety alive isn't the thought itself?

What if it's everything you're doing to make sure that thought never comes true?

The frustrating part is that these strategies often work. If they didn't, we wouldn't keep doing them. Checking, Googling, avoiding, planning, preparing, and seeking reassurance can provide immediate relief. For a few minutes—or maybe even a few hours—we feel calmer, safer, and more in control.

The problem is that anxiety loves immediate relief.

Every time we rush to make anxiety go away, our brain learns a very specific lesson: That situation must have been dangerous. Good thing we did something about it.

Instead of learning, "I can handle this," we learn, "I needed that thing to be okay."

Mental health professionals refer to these habits as safety behaviors. Safety behaviors are the things we do to prevent something bad from happening, reduce uncertainty, or protect ourselves from feeling anxious. Sometimes they're obvious, but often they're so woven into our daily lives that we don't even recognize them.

Safety behaviors can look like repeatedly Googling symptoms, asking loved ones for reassurance, checking locks or appliances multiple times, carrying "just in case" items everywhere you go, scanning your body for signs that something is wrong, mentally rehearsing conversations before they happen, avoiding situations that make you uncomfortable, or constantly seeking certainty before making a decision.

On the surface, these behaviors seem helpful. Many of them are rooted in a desire to feel prepared, responsible, or safe. The problem isn't necessarily the behavior itself—it's when anxiety convinces us that we need the behavior in order to cope.

Imagine you're nervous about speaking up in a meeting. You decide to stay quiet because you don't want to say the wrong thing. Your anxiety immediately decreases. Your brain notices the relief and concludes that staying quiet protected you from something bad. The next time you're in a meeting, speaking up feels even harder because your brain has learned that avoidance works.

The same thing happens when we constantly seek reassurance. Asking someone, "Do you think everything is okay?" or "Are you sure I didn't mess that up?" often feels helpful in the moment. But the relief rarely lasts. Before long, anxiety finds another question, another doubt, or another reason to seek certainty. The cycle starts all over again.

One of the hardest truths about anxiety is that certainty is not the cure. In fact, anxiety often gets stronger the more certainty we demand from ourselves, other people, or the world around us.

The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety completely. The goal is to build confidence in your ability to handle it. It's learning that you can tolerate uncertainty, discomfort, and anxious thoughts without needing to immediately fix, avoid, or escape them. It's discovering that you can feel anxious and still move forward.

This is where therapy can be incredibly helpful. Anxiety, OCD, and phobias are highly treatable, and one of the most effective approaches involves identifying the patterns that keep anxiety stuck. Through evidence-based approaches like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), individuals learn how to gradually reduce safety behaviors and build confidence in their ability to handle life's uncertainties.

Over time, anxiety begins to lose its power—not because the anxious thoughts disappear, but because they no longer get to make all the decisions.

If you recognize yourself in some of these examples, you're not alone. Many people struggling with anxiety, OCD, social anxiety, and phobias don't realize that the very things they're doing to feel better may actually be keeping them stuck.

At Creating Progress, Not Perfection, Kayla Volling, LSW, specializes in working with teens, and adults experiencing anxiety, OCD, social anxiety, and phobias. Using evidence-based approaches, including Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), Kayla helps clients break free from the patterns that keep anxiety in control and build confidence in their ability to navigate uncertainty.

Kayla currently has daytime and evening appointments available for Illinois residents.

Reach out today to schedule an appointment!

intake@creatingprogress.net

www.creatingprogress.net