What My Toddler Taught Me About Perfectionism

This afternoon I was sitting in my backyard watching my toddler play.

He was wearing a shirt that didn't match his shorts.

One of his shoes was completely soaked because he had stepped in the dog's water bowl for fun.

And, for reasons only toddlers can fully explain, he had a pool floatie wrapped around his waist...over his clothes.

He walked around smiling, completely unbothered.

He wasn't wondering if the neighbors thought he looked ridiculous.

He wasn't worried that his outfit made no sense.

He wasn't apologizing for the wet shoe.

He wasn't trying to make everything look "put together."

He was simply...living.

Watching him made me wonder: When do we lose that?

At some point, many of us trade freedom for perfection.

We begin believing that things have to look a certain way before they're acceptable.

The house should be clean before people come over.

The presentation should be flawless before we share it.

We should have the right words before speaking up.

We should have the perfect body before wearing the swimsuit.

We should have everything figured out before making a decision.

Perfectionism convinces us that if we can just get everything "right," then we'll finally feel enough.

But here's the problem:

Perfection isn't actually the goal.

Safety is.

Perfectionism often develops because, somewhere along the way, we learned that getting it "right" protected us. Maybe it earned praise. Maybe it prevented criticism. Maybe it gave us a sense of control in an unpredictable world.

The strategies that once helped us feel safe eventually become the very things that keep us stuck.

We overthink.

We procrastinate.

We avoid trying new things.

We replay conversations.

We become exhausted trying to meet impossible standards that no one else is holding us to.

Meanwhile, my toddler is happily wandering around the backyard in mismatched clothes, one soggy shoe, and a pool floatie, convinced he's living his best life.

And honestly?

He probably is.

Children don't start out believing they have to earn their worth through performance.

They aren't born worrying about whether they're doing life "correctly."

They learn those messages over time.

Maybe that's why spending time with young kids can be so healing. They remind us what it looks like to exist without constantly evaluating ourselves.

To laugh before checking who's watching.

To wear what feels fun instead of what looks right.

To get messy without apologizing.

To enjoy the moment instead of trying to perfect it.

What if, just for today, we borrowed a little bit of that mindset?

Maybe the email doesn't need another round of edits.

Maybe dinner doesn't have to be Pinterest-worthy.

Maybe your house can be lived in instead of magazine-ready.

Maybe you can show up exactly as you are.

Maybe your life doesn't have to match.

Maybe it's okay if one of your metaphorical shoes is soaking wet.

Perfectionism promises peace once everything is perfect.

But peace usually shows up much sooner—when we stop believing perfection is required in the first place.